Selingkuh

Bertentangan dengan tulisan ku sebelumnya, aku kali ini merasa aneh sendiri. Ternyata begitu banyak orang yang berpasangan tetapi berselingkuh juga. Jadi apa iya aku masih mencari hubungan?

Aku bukan lah orang yang diselingkuhi. Secara ya, aku aja tidak berpasangan. Tapi laki2 itu menyelingkuhi pacarnya. Dia berselingkuh dengan ku.

Jika memang kita sangat menyayangi pasangan kita, keapa kita masih mencari yang lain ya? Jika memang belum pasti siapa yang kita sayangi, kenapa kita berkomitmen?

Damn!

Relationship

Having a relationship is what I am looking for now. I know, I was happy living by myself, alone. And happy when having friends for accompany. But, time flies, and I realized I need more than that. I am enjoying the moment of togetherness, the touches, the feeling, longing for, and someone I can spend hours to talk with, to discuss many things.

I found the person.

I again now can feel. The feeling I experienced years ago. Where I will go from here that I don't know, yet. Both of us have no idea. We see obstacles. Can we go through all of them? Time will tell. Let's just enjoy the moment we have, the feeling, the you and me things.

I believe what I believe.

Bodoh sekali lagi

Kembali ke tahun 2001. Aku berkenalan dengan seseorang. Dia nice dan menyenangkan. Smart pula. We became good friends. Lama2 hubungan kami jadi aneh. Lebih dari teman. Kami menikmatinya. Tapi dia sudah punya pacar yg dipacarinya udah lebih dari 3 tahun. Lalu? Kami bingung. Dan hubungan segitiga itu tetap kami jalani sampai lebih dari 6 bulan. Aku sempet merasa kesal menjadi yangkedua, yang tidak bisa menghubungi nya di hari libur. Karena sudah bisa dipastikan dia sedang bersama pacarnya. Setelah seluruh masalah dalam hubungannnya dengan pacarnya diselesaikan, akhirnya aku bernafas lega. Kami resmi sebagai pasangan. Tanpa perlu menutup2i didepan teman2. Setelah berbungan lebih dari 5 tahun, akhirnya kami memutuskan berpisah, karena satu hal yang tidak bisa diubah.

Tahun ini, aku kembali terbelenggu dalam konflik yang sama. Semua dimulai dari hanya suka, nyaman, dan mau sama mau. Dia sudah punya pacar. We got ourselves into trouble in purpose jadinya. Tadinya sih ga pa pa. Tapi lama2 aku jd kesel sendiri karena kami tidak bisa berhubungan di hari libur. Persis seperti yang pernah aku jalani dahulu. Menunggu jam malam minggu berakhir, to be able to reach him or he reaches me.

I know. Aku bodoh. Tap itu lah yang terjadi. Dan aku sedang me reconfigure otak ku biar tidak terlibat terlalu dalam hubungan ini.

Di persimpangan jalan

Aku di persimpangan jalan. Sedang menimbang2. Akankah keputusan ini aku ambil, atau aku akan terus menjalani seperti sebelumnya.

Aku pernah melemparkan pertanyaan ini kepada beberapa teman, " Siapa yang akan kamu pilih dari 3 orang yang sedang ada di lingkaran mu saat ini " It has nothing to do dengan memilih pacar. Tetapi siapakah sebenernya temen yang bener2 temen buat kamu? Satu jawaban yang sangat mengena. " Pilihlah orang yang akan merasa kehilangan kamu kalau kamu tidak ada ".

I have several best friends. I treat them as good as possible. I adore hem, I care for them. And what the heck is happening now?

One of three of them is was my best of the best. More than you can imagine. In the name of busiest life, he doesn't contact me anymore. He responded to my call and my text message. But never did the first move.

The other two kept loking for me if I am not there. Try to find me. They miss me if I am not around. If I told them, I have to see mu doctor today, and the next thing they ask me after 1 hour is how is my condition.

Now, here I am, di tikungan, di persimpangan jalan, sedang mencoba melihat kembali, apakah arti pertemanan itu. Ya, aku tidak bis alagi meng considernya sebagai teman baik. Teman? Mungkin, Tapi lebih mungkin acquintance. Hahahaha....

High

Those feeling coming back again. So nice.

You know when someone just calling you out of nothing, sometimes only to make sure a little unimportant thing. It flies you away above high.

Random Thought

I spent more than 20 hours working a day. My working environment is fun, yet not healthy. Dark, need a lamp right to my desk. When you walk around the desk line along the curve side of the wall, you will smell ashes. Try to swap it with your fingers. Dirty. Even if you are not a smoker, you'd better start now, otherwise you will become a victim of other's enjoyment.

I love people around me. They are fun. I don't mind working late. I don't mind working until morning comes. But, will I get better healthy environment and better pay? Hope so *crossing my finger*

I arrived home at 3 in the morning. Still so many things to get done. Overwhelmed.

What would I do then? While trying to figure it out, my other mind strucked by another thinking. Mmm, how I miss him. I wish I could just turn back the time to when I was really really busted by my job, and he picked me up at the office, we went out for meal and go massage. I smile. And suddenly I realize that I have to shut that memory down.

I slip into my bed. Setting alarm by my bedside. I still have 2 hours before geting myself back into bustle hustle life. But so hard to shut down my mind. I closed my eyes but I still see a tv screen in my head. My one part of life comes and there's another one.

Suddenly my alarm is ringing. Damn. I had to get up now.

Thinking again. How can I manage my mind and my brain not to think of anything at least for a little while.

Us

After years, we finally surrendered to each other. We are happy about it. We enjoyed every moment. It is so hard to let go each other, even we know, it's only for working. It's hard to wait until next weekend. It's so hard to admit, we are addicted to one another.